Well, it's the only permanent thing in the world and i've never been a fan.
It always takes me a while before I attach myself to anything, or anyone, for that matter. A friend once told me I'm skeptic, always asking too many questions before indulging myself into an activity, a person or a group. Siguro nga. So when it's time to bid farewell to something or someone I am already attached with. Surprise, surprise, I freak out big time.
Sabi ko hindi ako magpopost ng kahit ano na may kinalaman sa pag-alis ko. I was pretty much convinced that avoiding the whole thing can pretty much lessesn the pain, and I was wrong. A week before I leave with the family, it's as if reality came sinking in too fast i could almost drown. nakakalula. nakakapraning. Here came the unending list of what-if's slapping me in the face big time. So the dreaded Big Day came. I'm sure you have a pretty good idea what happened. It has been 3 weeks and I don't feel like this is where I am supposed to be. I don't feel productive here, at all.
While my parents and siblings seem to adjust well-and fast, I am stuck in nowhere. I can't find a job, my little angel has flown (saying that in a matter-of-factly tone doesn't seem to take away all of the pain I am going through right now) and all I can think of is to find a way to head back home. I miss him, especially now.
I don't even know how to feel about being here. Some say i should be grateful because not everyone gets the chance but well, I don't really feel lucky to be here, not quite. Everything's just different. Masyadong tahimik. Kapag nakakita ka ng 6 tao sa isang kalsada, marami nang tao 'nun. It's also surprising and weird to see fellow Filipinos on the streets or in malls looking at me disgustingly, especially when they find out I just arrived. Ayaw yata nila nakakakita ng kapwa Pinoy, lalo na 'yung mga bagong dating.
It's also weird to hear Filipinos speak about how they want to live here and not come back to the Philippines anymore. mean, of course I've heard of them but hearing them firsthand is a totally different thing. I felt goosebumps, seriously. Wala na yatang gustong magpaiwan diyan sa Pilipinas. Nakakatawa lang. kung gano nila gustong tumira dito, ganun ko kagustong umuwi.
Haay. I want to go back there, badly. I miss being with him. I miss Tatay and Nanay and the whole family. I miss home. :'(
It always takes me a while before I attach myself to anything, or anyone, for that matter. A friend once told me I'm skeptic, always asking too many questions before indulging myself into an activity, a person or a group. Siguro nga. So when it's time to bid farewell to something or someone I am already attached with. Surprise, surprise, I freak out big time.
Sabi ko hindi ako magpopost ng kahit ano na may kinalaman sa pag-alis ko. I was pretty much convinced that avoiding the whole thing can pretty much lessesn the pain, and I was wrong. A week before I leave with the family, it's as if reality came sinking in too fast i could almost drown. nakakalula. nakakapraning. Here came the unending list of what-if's slapping me in the face big time. So the dreaded Big Day came. I'm sure you have a pretty good idea what happened. It has been 3 weeks and I don't feel like this is where I am supposed to be. I don't feel productive here, at all.
While my parents and siblings seem to adjust well-and fast, I am stuck in nowhere. I can't find a job, my little angel has flown (saying that in a matter-of-factly tone doesn't seem to take away all of the pain I am going through right now) and all I can think of is to find a way to head back home. I miss him, especially now.
I don't even know how to feel about being here. Some say i should be grateful because not everyone gets the chance but well, I don't really feel lucky to be here, not quite. Everything's just different. Masyadong tahimik. Kapag nakakita ka ng 6 tao sa isang kalsada, marami nang tao 'nun. It's also surprising and weird to see fellow Filipinos on the streets or in malls looking at me disgustingly, especially when they find out I just arrived. Ayaw yata nila nakakakita ng kapwa Pinoy, lalo na 'yung mga bagong dating.
It's also weird to hear Filipinos speak about how they want to live here and not come back to the Philippines anymore. mean, of course I've heard of them but hearing them firsthand is a totally different thing. I felt goosebumps, seriously. Wala na yatang gustong magpaiwan diyan sa Pilipinas. Nakakatawa lang. kung gano nila gustong tumira dito, ganun ko kagustong umuwi.
Haay. I want to go back there, badly. I miss being with him. I miss Tatay and Nanay and the whole family. I miss home. :'(
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